DENTAL TOPIARY

     I was at my dentist's this morning, getting some teeth filled. My dentist was one of my best high school buddies—I dressed up as Elijah on year at Passover and walked in to his family's home when they opened the door for (usually invisible) Elijah to come in.
      We both had a wonderful time during today's visit. A lot of laughter. It wasn't the novocaine, just the comeraderie.
      I felt, you know, like everyone feels at the dentist's—like a Construction Crew was working in my mouth. They had all but the guy or lady in the green uniform and hard hat, holding the STOP/SLOW sign in the face of oncoming traffic.
      Well, toward the end, somewhere out of the Higher Planes of Humor, as Arnie was drillin' on me, and hadn't yet struck oil, I was picturing my teeth, trying to think of ways to amuse him and his hygienist. (who had suggested at one point jokingly going in through my cheek, as a short-cut). The visual image of my teeth and his drill began to congeal with an image of the large, topiary horses over at the Mall. Out of that flux (probably there were Angels around to move the creative processs along) came, the picture of Arnie carving my tooth into the shape of a horse! While it's still in my mouth!
      I began guffawing, with 4 to 6 hoses and metal instruments in my mouth. When enough of them were out that I could talk, and the hygienist had climbed out of my mouth, so to speak, like it was a manhole and she was from the Metropolitan Sewer District, I said, still with a hose or two sticking out and suctioning onto my tongue as I formed my words:"Arnie, I think I see how to make you a very rich man!" And I presented to him the idea of dental topiary, an idea whose time has come!
      So..if any of you out there want a Franchise, write me C/O Tooth Art, 4466 W. Pine, St. Louis, MO. This is gonna be big. Imagine a person with his teeth carved into an entire chess set, right in his mouth! It'll be the next big thing after body-piercing for young adults. Imagine grossing out your folks just by opening your mouth, without even saying a word!
      Well, that's my brainstorm for the day.

        back to humor

          back to Other Writings     

  Home    e-mail